Tips for Talking to a Friend about Losing a Child

Jul 7

Our community is grieving right now. It feels as though we all are connected to the pain and devastation that occurred at Camp Mystic and the surrounding areas. The loss of children through this tragedy is unimaginable. While we are often at a loss for words in moments like this, below are some thoughts on supporting families who have lost a child or loved one.
What Not to Say to Grieving Parents or Families
It is important to note that while our intentions are to support a loved one, there are phrases and statements that should be avoided. Often what not to say matters most.
Below are examples of what not to say to grieving parents or families.
“I know exactly how you feel.”
Unless you have lost a child this can be difficult for a parent to hear and accept as their experience is so personal. The loss of a child is an entirely different kind of grief from any other.
“They are in a better place.”
Any parent will tell you the most important place for their child is in their arms. While well intentioned, these kinds of comments can be extremely painful.
“Time will heal your pain.”
This kind of statement is difficult because it is often not true. We learn to cope with our grief over time but the loss of a child is not something that ever fully heals.
“God knows what he is doing.” / “God wanted them sooner because they are so perfect and special.”
These types of comments can come across as dismissive of a parent’s pain. Everyone’s faith journey and beliefs are different. Unless a family has used this type of language it is best to avoid these types of statements.
Suggestions on How to Support a Grieving Family
Below are suggestions that might be better received while supporting a grieving family:
• Let the family know how sorry you are for the loss of their child. Say their child’s name. Let them know how loved and missed their child will be.
• Be available to help if needed. Calling or texting to let the family know you are here if needed in anyway. “I’m here if you need me and only a text away.”
• “I cannot imagine what you are going through. There are no words. I am here.”
• “I’m going to call you tomorrow at 10am to check in. It’s okay if you don’t want to answer. Just know I am here if needed.”
• Remember that just being present in the silence is okay. Sitting with a grieving parent and following their lead might be all you can do.
• If you know of a specific need regarding other children or errands, offer to help relieve those everyday burdens for the family.
• Continue to check on the family in the long-term. Continue saying their child’s name and acknowledging birthdays, holidays and significant dates.
Grief is Lonely
Grief is an extremely lonely experience. The support of family, friends and community can remind our loved ones that they are not alone.