Finding Peace Through the Circle of Control
How much time do we spend each day worrying about things that might not even be in our control? Perhaps replaying conversations or events, as if thinking about them on repeat could somehow rewrite history. Or maybe worrying about things that haven’t happened—or might never happen.
Every single day, we face countless variables that we simply can’t control. Being able to discern which things are actually in our control may be challenging but, ultimately, doing so can be both liberating and empowering. Why? Doing so can allow us to focus our attention on where we can make the most impact within our lives.
A Brief History of the “Circles of Control”
The concept of separating what's in our control from what is not isn’t new. In fact, it dates back over 2,000 years to Epictetus, a Stoic philosopher who taught a simple yet profound principle:
“Some things are up to us, and some things are not.”
Epictetus believed that much of our suffering comes from trying to control what we simply cannot—or from neglecting the things that are within our power.
Marcus Aurelius, a Roman emperor and fellow Stoic, echoed this idea in 170 AD:
“You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
Centuries later, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl continued this theme in his groundbreaking book Man’s Search for Meaning:
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Frankl reminds us that even when we cannot change our circumstances, we can choose how we respond. That power—our ability to adapt, grow, and stay rooted in our values—is the heart of resilience.
What’s Actually in Your Control?
Let’s break this down into two simple circles:
Circle of Control – What’s within your power
Things you can influence:
Your thoughts and beliefs
Your emotions and reactions
Your interpretations and judgments
Your words and tone
Your behaviors and actions
Your choices, habits, and decisions
Your attitude and mindset
This is where your real power lies. When you focus here, you’re in a position to take action, create change, and find peace.
Circle of Concern
Things you cannot control:
Other people’s behavior, choices, and feelings
The past
The economy
The weather
Government policies
The media
Traffic
What others think or say about you
Just because we can’t control these things doesn’t mean we don’t care about them but, rather, we accept our inability to change them.
How to Use the Circle of Control in Everyday Life
Self-Esteem
Outside My Control
· How others judge or perceive me
· Societal standards or expectations
· Past experiences I cannot change
· Others’ reactions to my confidence or self-worth
Inside My Control:
· How I talk to and treat myself
· Practicing self-care and healthy habits
· Choosing to learn and grow from mistakes.
· Surrounding myself with positive influences
School Stress / Academic Pressure
Outside My Control:
· What’s on a test
· How hard the questions are
· The teacher’s grading style
· How others perform
Inside My Control:
· How much time I spend studying
· How I manage my time and schedule
· Asking for help when I need it
· Preparing for tests in advance
· Staying organized with my assignments
Friendships
Outside My Control:
· How my friends behave
· Whether friends accept or reject me
· Others’ opinions about me or my friendships
· Changes in friendships due to life events
Inside My Control:
· How I treat my friends
· Who I choose to spend time with
· Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries
· How I respond to conflicts or misunderstandings
· Managing my own emotions and reactions
Two Questions to Recenter Yourself
Whenever you feel overwhelmed or stuck in a cycle of worry, pause and ask yourself:
Is this within my control?
If not, how can I respond in a way that aligns with my values?
If the answer to the first question is “no,” remind yourself that no amount of worrying, overthinking, or sleepless nights will change the outcome. Challenge yourself to accept that answer and refocus on areas within your circle of control. Redirect your energy toward what you can do.
From Epictetus to Marcus Aurelius to Viktor Frankl, the message is clear:
Peace and power begin where your control begins.
Final Thoughts
While we may not be able to control the events that unfold around us, we always have the ability to control how we respond. When things feel overwhelming, shrink your focus to what is within your Circle of Control. Empower yourself. Make change where you can.
How The Mind Spot Can Help
The Mind Spot can work with your teen or young adult when they feel are constantly worrying about things outside of their control. Make an appointment with Rosalyn deTranaltes or one of our counselors today. Meet Our Counselors